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Why am I not enough for my loved one to quit?

May 8, 2015 Rhonda Kelloway, LCSW, SEP

I have worked with addiction for many years. Here is what I’ve found: helping a person struggling with an addiction to accept the disease model is a lot easier than convincing their loved ones that the person has a disease. The loved ones feedback to the addicted person commonly sounds more like “If you loved me enough you would quit,” or “I’ll stop so you can, too,” or “You just don’t care about anyone but yourself.” But here’s the reality: usually it’s the addicted person cares the least about themselves.
sad woman
\Most people who struggle with any addiction are good people with good intentions who care very deeply about the people around them. But when you mix genetic pre-disposition, shame, guilt, low self-esteem, trauma, and/or self-medication with the dangerous disease of addiction, you end up with good people who can’t or don’t know how to get better. Imagine being unhappy with both versions of yourself (sober and using) but at least the unhappy using version has at least moments of happiness or numbness that are created by a mood-altering substance or behavior. Logically, most people would agree they would choose the lesser of two evils. This is the familiar battle with which the addicted person struggles.

Ultimately the point is this – if love were enough to help people get sober then there would be many more sober people out there and much less need for addiction treatment centers. Instead, what most people need in order to maintain recovery is a solid sober support system (for many this is a 12-Step program), therapy and/or treatment, and the capacity to change their life-style. And, if a person has been self-medicating a mental illness, they must also manage and maintain the symptoms of that illness in order to better maintain sobriety.

So, if you are in the difficult position of watching your loved one struggle with addiction (of any kind), instead of asking “Why don’t you love me enough to stop?”, instead try asking “Why don’t you love yourself enough to stop?” That is the heart of the matter.

~ Tiffany Tumminaro, LCSW, CADC

DUIs, Addictions & Sobriety Addiction, Love, Self-Esteem

Call (630) 423-5935 for more information or to set up an appointment.

Life Care Wellness | 800 Roosevelt Rd, Building C, Suite 206, Glen Ellyn, Illinois
Serving West Chicagoland including Winfield, Wheaton, Lisle, Glen Ellyn, Lombard, Downers Grove and Elmhurst.

Life Care Wellness | 5408 N. Long Avenue, Chicago, Illinios
Serving Jefferson Park, Lincolnwood, Edgebrook, North Park, Albany Park, Harwood Heights, Norwood Park and the near North suburbs including Park Ridge, Niles, Skokie and Evanston.

Life Care Wellness | 1958 Aberdeen Ct, Sycamore, Illinois
Serving DeKalb and Northern Illinois University area along with Cortland, Genoa, Maple Park, Kingston, Burlington, Hampshire, Malta, Kirkland, and Elburn.

Our Glen Ellyn Office Has Moved!

To serve you better with even more space, we have moved to a new building just a few blocks away. Our new Glen Ellyn location in the Glen Hill North office park is:

800 Roosevelt, Bldg C, Suite 206

Glen Ellyn, IL 60137

 

COVID Safety Update

We are happy to announce, on June 1, 2020 we re-opened all Life Care Wellness facilities with added safety precautions to ensure your health and safety. We also continue to provide telehealth opportunities for those who prefer to remain in the comfort of their own home.

Our Specialties

  • Trauma & Grief Counseling
  • Addiction Counseling
  • Anxiety & Depression Counseling
  • EMDR Therapy
  • Somatic Experiencing
  • Yoga Therapy
  • Group Therapy
  • Therapy for Co-Occurring Disorders
  • Pharmacotherapy

Services

  • Individual Therapy
  • Group Therapy
  • Couples Counseling
  • Family Therapy
  • Child & Adolescent Therapy
  • Mediation
  • Case Consultation
  • Life & Executive Coaching
  • Wellness Education
  • Speaking & Educational Programs

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Life Care Wellness
800 Roosevelt, Bldg C, Suite 206
Glen Ellyn, IL 60137
Second Location:
5408 N. Long Ave, Chicago, IL 60630
Third Location:
1958 Aberdeen Ct, Sycamore, IL 60178

Copyright © 2021 Life Care Wellness, Inc.