EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a modality originally designed to treat trauma, particularly PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder). It has since been found helpful in treating other conditions, with specific EMDR protocols now developed for addiction, eating disorders, chronic pain, and more. But what about grief? Can EMDR be used for grief?
Before we go on, if you are unfamiliar with EMDR, here is the basic idea. EMDR uses an external stimulus as a tool to help the brain process trauma that is “stuck” and unresolved. Some people think the technique mimics the effects of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, a state where the eyes move back and forth, stimulating both the left and right hemispheres of the brain. During this state, the brain effectively processes memories and resolves traumas.
The external stimulus used in EMDR is referred to as bilateral stimulation, meaning it stimulates both sides of the brain. The stimulus can be visual, such as the therapist moving a finger in front of your eyes or watching a dot moving across a screen in a telehealth session. It can also be an auditory stimulus, such as listening to a sound that alternates between the ears through a headset, or a tactile stimulus, such as tapping the palms or knees in an alternate manner. Bilateral stimulation activates both sides of the brain, which allows the whole brain to be engaged. This aids the resolution of traumatic memory.
Complicated Grief
Now, back to grief, which is the normal response to loss, particularly the loss of someone or something to which you were emotionally attached. Emotions, physical symptoms, and the general impact of grief can vary across different people so there is not a simple definition of grief or way to grieve. What is considered “normal” grief is generally culturally defined.
According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), complicated grief is a term for grief that is more intense or lasts longer than a culture considers typical for a particular loss. In complicated grief you become preoccupied by your loss in a way that disrupts daily life. The definition of complicated grief includes some distinctive features:
Intensity: The acute phase of grief is where you may feel lost, confused, and overwhelmed by yearning for the person who has died. You may have trouble eating or sleeping or have other physical symptoms. When these symptoms continue unabated for much longer, it may be considered complicated grief.
Duration: For complicated grief in adults, the intense symptoms have lasted for at least 12 after the loss. For children and teens, the intense symptoms have lasted at least 6 months.
Disruption of daily life: Immediately following a loss, you may be overwhelmed by sadness and barely able to function. But over time, most people usually learn to live with the loss; while you still miss the person, you’re able to function in your daily life. When grief disrupts your daily life and functioning for a long time, this may be considered complicated grief.
EMDR may be helpful for complicated grief. Signs of complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder include:
Reintegration difficulties: In a relatively short time after a loss, most people usually reenter their daily lives and resume typical activities. Those with complicated grief have difficulty doing so and it can affect work, school, and relationships.
Avoidance: If you have complicated grief, you may try to avoid reminders of the loss. For example, you avoid people and places that remind you of the loss, or you may avoid using words like death or died in relation to your deceased loved one.
Emotional pain: In complicated grief, the feelings of intense sadness, loneliness, and yearning persist well past what is culturally considered normal. These intense emotions can also affect your physical health.
Acute Grief Symptoms: With typical grief, there is an initial phase of active, acute grieving that can consume much of your life, but this phase begins losing acuity relatively soon – what begins as sharp pain begins to dull. On the other hand, the acute grief symptoms last much longer with complicated grief. Some acute grief symptoms include:
- intense longing for the person who died
- intense sadness and frequent crying
- thinking about the grief almost to the exclusion of anything else
Related Reading: How to Deal with Unresolved Grief
Therapy for Complicated Grief
Sometimes the support of friends and family is enough to cope with loss. Sometimes outside help is needed in the form of bereavement therapy. For complex grief, trauma therapy may be needed, as well.
Your body is impacted when you face difficult or traumatic experiences including bereavement and loss. One way the body can be impacted is overwhelming fatigue, sometimes because it is difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep. Other physical symptoms can include migraines, stomach problems, or other stress-related conditions.
Because the body is affected, a body-based therapy like EMDR can be highly successful in helping to process disturbing images and memories in a way that allows them to be integrated in a less traumatic way.
How Does EMDR Work for Grief?
EMDR was originally used to treat trauma, as it can readily resolve traumatic memories that have become locked in the “fight, flight, or freeze” response instead of being processed and released. When you have traumatic memories that are stuck, you continue to suffer from a past event as if the threat is still present. Activating the brain through bilateral stimulation and allowing the memory to become neutralized removes the negative emotions attached to the event and eases the burden of the trauma.
In a similar way, the memories and experience of grief can become stuck like trauma, which leave you unable to let the loss go. EMDR can target the loss as it would target trauma. EMDR also includes learning coping skills and replacing negative associations with positive ones. By resolving the core memories associated with the grief reaction, negative emotions are released, and you can move forward without being weighed down by grief.
Related Reading: What is EMDR Therapy and How is it Used?
In general, EMDR is most successful at resolving single-event traumas that can be targeted specifically. Traumatic grief is typically more complicated and should be addressed on many levels. This can include issues such as guilt over moving on, or feeling undeserving of happiness after a loved one has died. However, these beliefs can also be treated with EMDR in addition to the disturbing memories themselves.
If you are experiencing prolonged grief and think that it may be complicated grief, many of the therapists at Life Care Wellness are trained in EMDR and can determine whether it may benefit you or if another treatment would be more effective. Please reach out to us in our northern Illinois locations in Glen Ellyn, Chicago (Jefferson Park), Sycamore, and Yorkville.
Rhonda Kelloway is the owner and principal therapist at Life Care Wellness, a group psychotherapy practice in Glen Ellyn, Sycamore, Yorkville, and Chicago (Jefferson Park neighborhood), Illinois. She is a trauma specialist utilizing a Somatic Experiencing framework to utilize the body’s wisdom in healing. She also uses EMDR and a variety of traditional psychotherapy approaches in her work. In addition to being a psychotherapist, Rhonda is a trained divorce and family mediator.
