Guest post by Codie Suratt, MA, LPC, LMT
Not Another Diet-Focused Blog Post
The last thing I wanted to do when sitting down to write this was to focus on our never-ending obsession with weight. But let’s be honest, it’s a focus. And a big one. Especially at this time of year.
The “new year, new me” craze of planting our resolutions squarely in the middle of hating our bodies has been around for ages. Body weight dominates the landscape with TV ads centered around the latest gym membership, celebrities hawking the best diets, and influencers showing their before and after photos. It’s hard to escape. But have you thought about exactly from where our obsession with weight stems?
I was in the living room of a friend of mine recently, snuggled up with mugs of hot tea, blankets wrapped around our waists, both bemoaning how gluttonous we’d been over the holidays. Before long we transitioned into talk of changing our evil ways as soon as the new year hit. Neither of us was particularly negative towards our body, but the tone was such that if you were listening, you would have noticed that we weren’t exactly self-accepting either. I looked over at her 6-year-old daughter coloring within earshot of us, and I realized, these ideas of body-focused idealism begin long before we realize they do. In contrast to dieting, intuitive eating promotes a healthy attitude toward food and body image by focusing on physical hunger rather than emotional hunger.
Our Obsession with Perfection
In terms of society, the obsession with perfection, particularly in women, is an age-old pastime. The idea that skinny equals better has been fodder for consumer-driven economics since the first advertisement for cigarettes geared towards helping women achieve a svelte figure. We have been indoctrinated to believe that our outward presentation is our most important feature. As such we often lose sight of our internal self-acceptance. A radical self-acceptance that is neither dependent nor associated with our appearance.
In her groundbreaking book, The Body is Not an Apology, Sonya Renee Taylor invites her audience to learn radical self-love. She offers guidance on how to break free from the long-held idea that to be enough, you must shrink your body and ultimately wage war with yourself.
How Intuitive Eating Helps Build Self-Acceptance
Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch developed the course “Intuitive Eating” to help women and men to rediscover and relearn some of the innate wisdom we already have regarding our bodies. They argue that if you slow down, truly become aware of your internal self, and learn to listen to you body’s innate wisdom, you are more likely to reframe your relationship with food, and ultimately with yourself.
In their book, Intuitive Eating: A revolutionary anti-diet approach, Tribole and Resch state that one of the tenets of intuitive eating is being kind to yourself. Imagine that, meeting yourself with more kindness and less hostility. Just practicing thinking in that way reframes your relationship with yourself. Meeting any struggle you’re experiencing with a sense of non-judgment and loving-kindness can immediately change the way you relate to yourself and the challenge.
When you begin to admonish your body, chastise your food choices, and question your worth, try to meet yourself with a kind and loving approach. This would validate how hard it is to be at war with your body, yet accept that you are worthy of love no matter your size.
Wow! What a difference that would make in how you move through your world. Becoming more intuitive with your mind/body connection challenges the old stereotypes of perfection. It also allows for more self-connection, and ultimately more self-acceptance. This could begin to reverse the internalized belief systems you’ve adopted that tell you you’re not enough as you are. But how can you do this? One way is to become more mindful.
How to Learn Intuitive Eating – Self-Acceptance Questions
Tribole and Resch note that there are 10 principles of Intuitive Eating. They break each principle down in detail in their book. I think the self-acceptance and mindfulness components of their work are extremely beneficial. However, I believe that each person who reads it finds value based on their personal journey and self-acceptance questions. It’s worth having your own internal dialogue around what comes up for you when you are introduced to this research. The framework is ultimately anti-diet and steeped with self-compassion and I love both of those things!
Principle One: Reject Diet Mentality
Yes! For many, dieting has become a lifestyle. You can’t remember when you weren’t preoccupied with counting calories or fasting or weighing yourself, or simply watching what you eat. As Tribole and Resch point out, “many of our clients operate between 2 fears: If I continue dieting I’ll feel like a failure, but if I stop dieting I’ll feel lost.” Dieting is control for many, and underneath that need to control is fear. Underneath that fear there is a part of us that doesn’t want to face or feel something.
Principle Two: Honor Your Hunger
Do you ever check in with yourself and see if you’re truly hungry? Interoceptive awareness is what some call our 6th sense, the connection we have with our internal awareness, or the unique understanding we have of our felt sense. That sense can get blocked by many factors, but the good news is that we can unblock it and learn to pay attention to our bodies.
Principle Three: Make Peace with Food
I love how they break this principle down in their book. Ultimately, no food is morally good or bad, and we are neither good nor bad for eating certain foods. Making peace with food breaks the cycle of assigning labels and then beating ourselves up for being human and eating.
Principle Four: Challenge the Food Police
This one essentially dives deeper into principle 3, but it offers ways to help change your thinking around food. Ultimately, you can eat what you want, and you are in charge of your body. With an emphasis on mindful attention to your body’s cues, Tribole and Resch argue that you don’t need anyone to tell you what and how to eat.
Principle Five: Discover the Satisfaction Factor
The authors describe this principle as the “hub of Intuitive Eating.” They describe it in their book as, “If we’re not satisfied, we’re not happy.” Ultimately, if you are paying attention to your internal awareness and connected to yourself in a compassionate way, satisfaction becomes a tenet of how you are living. You become acutely aware of your sense of satisfaction.
Principle Six: Feel Your Fullness
As in principle two of honoring your hunger, this principle invokes that same sense of self-awareness to feel your fullness. I love to use this phrase in my everyday life to notice when my heart is full, when my belly is full, and when I feel my life is full and enriched. I run towards that fullness and allow myself to feel it in my bones.
Principle Seven: Cope with Your Emotions with Kindness
As a clinician who works with emotions, this is probably my favorite principle. Turning towards your most challenging emotions with kindness, rather than denying them, deflecting them, or pushing them away can ease the strain. You have a unique ability because of your past experiences to try various ways to move away from uncomfortable emotions. With practice you can begin to take a kinder approach, validating that things get hard and that we can endure. Boy have we all had to practice that one lately!
Principle Eight: Respect Your Body
Say that again louder for the people in the back! Respect your body. Today, as it is, right now. Look at how far your body has taken you. Revel in the mundane, small things it does without prompting. Be kind to your body. Get still and allow yourself to be in connection with your felt sense. This practice breeds self-acceptance. It is key to walking the journey towards healing the relationship you have not only with food, but with yourself.
Principle Nine: Movement — Feel the Difference
Another way to begin to respect your body is to begin to move your body. Tribole and Resch talk extensively about shifting the focus from militant exercise for results to moving your body in ways that feel good.
Principle Ten: Honor Your Health with Gentle Nutrition
This can be tricky for anyone who has had a tough relationship with food and their body. Noticing what your body needs and wants without judgment can feel off balance. This step requires the ultimate practice of mindfulness. Learning what works for you, what feels nourishing, and what fits your body is at the core. This isn’t policing. As the authors say, this is about getting in tune with how to best care for yourself.
Related Reading: Mindful Eating Exercises-Back to the Basics
Practicing Radical Self-Acceptance Takes Patience
Blocking out the outside noise for the quiet and safety of turning inward can be scary. Accepting all parts of you that show up can be scary. It takes patience and a shift in perspective. It’s not something that happens overnight. This is where loving-kindness and mindful awareness can help. Be kind to yourself as you take each step toward what radical self-acceptance looks like to you.
If you could use some help to get started with self-acceptance or to look for an intuitive eating therapist and you are in northern Illinois, please reach out to Life Care Wellness at our Glen Ellyn, Chicago (Jefferson Park), or Sycamore offices.
Codie Surratt, MA, LPC, LMT is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a background in trauma-informed grief and mindfulness work. She enjoys helping each of her clients gain their own sense of radical self-acceptance and does so with an integrated and client centered approach. Codie specializes in working with teenagers, emerging adults, and women.
