Guest blog by Sarah Van Meter, LCSW
It’s that time of year. When just about everyone envisions a new start. A time to begin to improve their lives. And… it’s when the New Year’s Resolutions are in full swing. However, about 23% of people will give up on their resolutions by the end of the first week, while another 43% will give up by the end of January. This might shock some people, but only 9% of Americans will complete their resolution. So, that leads many people to ask what is it about New Year’s Resolutions that set people up to fail? The reality is that the very structure of how most New Year’s Resolutions are set up is the reason why New Year Resolutions fail.
Most resolutions are too idealistic and unachievable for most people. As much as a person may want something, it does not mean they will be capable of achieving it. For example, I really want to try bull riding (yes, I actually would love to do that!). However, my health, age, finances, and lifestyle predispose that resolution to failure.
Another reason that people fail at their resolutions are that they do not have the framework to create new habits. People will identify a large goal, for example, losing 40 lbs. This is where they tend to stop because they often don’t take the large goal and break it down into smaller achievable goals. They don’t identify the additional steps they will need to take to aid them in creating habits that will allow them to reach their large goal.
In the social service field, we are often held to a standard of writing our clients’ goals in a SMART goal format. This allows us to break down a large goal into smaller steps and incorporate timelines, measurable factors, and even accountability aspects.
The Stages of Change Model
However, I think the biggest problem with New Year Resolutions isn’t the framework or developing short-term goals. It’s the trouble most of us have with being honest with ourselves about where we are in our lives.
Specifically, that trouble is identifying where we are within our change journey. If we are moving towards true change, we typically need to move through various stages. This is based on the Stages of Change model, developed researchers James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente. I use this model to assess readiness for change in all of my clients, and also with myself when I am working on a change.
The Stages of Change model breaks down various benchmarks on steps that people go through when they want to change. 
The change process stages include:
- Precontemplation
- Contemplation
- Preparation
- Action
- Maintenance
- Relapse/Resolve
As a quick overview… Precontemplation is more or less denial. In this stage, you do not see the need to change. Contemplation is when you weigh the pros and cons of changing this aspect of your life. Preparation involves identifying the steps that are needed to successfully tackle the change. Action is where you actively work on changing. (This step is typically many months long.) Then once you have successfully moved through action you head into maintenance, which is where you work to sustain the change. Finally, there is relapse or resolve.
The reality that most people do not understand is that relapses are common. Relapse shows where a part of your plan or adjustment was not effective. For example, one year I was working on improving my health. I started eating healthier. I found no matter how much I tried to stick to eating better, I kept slipping into eating all the things that weren’t good for me (mainly candy and ice cream).
After relapsing a few times, I stopped and asked myself, ‘Why is this not working?’ When I took a step back, I realized that my stress was through the roof, and I was slipping into stress eating. Once I realized that, I was able to first address my stress. As my stress improved, I was better prepared to stick with healthy eating.
While I presented the stages of change model in a linear fashion, it actually is more like a roller coaster. You can move from any stage to another at any time. I’ve gone from action to precontemplation to preparation to contemplation and back to action. Just because there is a relapse does not mean you’ve gone all the way back to the beginning. It just means you found out that there is something that must be addressed or adjusted in your plan.
Related Reading: Relapse in Addiction Recovery
Why Most Resolutions Fail and How to Succeed
Okay, now back to resolutions. What I typically see is people make a resolution and then wait until January 1st to start their plan. This works against you. If you are ready to start a change (move into the action stage) then you need to do so. It does not matter what day you start your change process. It is more important that you just start the journey.
When you wait to start your resolution, that opens the door for you to slide into another stage. And so you may lose motivation and head back into contemplation or even precontemplation. It is better to capture the action state when we are feeling motivated to do so. That is why many goal trackers have blank spots for the date, because change happens when we are ready to do so.
Another struggle I see with resolutions is that most people don’t engage in the preparation stage. For example, you might say “I want to lose weight.” Well… how do you want to do that? Is it better for you to go to a gym or workout at home? What days and times of the day work better for you? What does working out look like for you? Is it better to start by adjusting your diet? Do you need to meet with a nutritionist first? I find that most people skip looking at these kinds of questions and just sign up for a gym membership.
When I’ve spoken with others about their struggles with engaging in change, I often find they have not set themselves up for success. They didn’t honestly talk to themselves about what works best for them.
Personally, I’ve learned over the years that working out at a gym isn’t the best option for me. I often struggle with finding time to get to the gym. Once I’m there I feel self-conscious. I have been most effective in getting into better shape by finding ways to work out at home. A good friend of mine is more of a “gym rat.” She loves going to the gym and has told me it is her self-care time when she can forget about her stressors. Neither of us is right nor wrong in our path because we each chose what was effective for us.
The other big New Year’s Resolution hurdle I have seen for many people is when they relapse. I had a client tell me that they planned to work out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Something came up and they couldn’t make it to the gym on Monday. Because they missed Monday, what was the point of going the rest of the week? Another client told me their goal was to read every night before they went to bed. One night they weren’t feeling well and fell asleep before they could read. They viewed it as a failure and couldn’t get themselves back on track.
Related Reading: Action Steps for Utilizing Coping Skills
Why the Stages of Change Model Works for Habit Building
Here is the reality: life is going to throw curve balls at you. You may get sick, injured or have things come up. Anything can trigger a moment of relapse. What I find is that you need to be forgiving and understanding with yourself when you slip up. Additionally, you need to explore what prompted the struggle with engaging in your plan. Identifying where you are in the stages of change model helps you build better habits successfully.
For my client mentioned above, maybe Monday wasn’t the best day to plan to go to the gym. Or, maybe they needed to be kind to themselves and realize it was life happening. All or nothing logic works against you. It is better to save some money than none. It is better to read a page instead of none. And it’s better to get in some workout instead of none at all. As the stages of change ebb and flow, so will your journey through change.
I love the saying, Today is the beginning of a new page in your book of life. That is true regardless of the day. If you set a New Year’s Resolution, I hope that some of this information on change process steps will help you to keep up with it. If you didn’t, I hope that this helps you to understand the change journey, the struggles you or others may face while on it, and ways to address those challenges.
Change is not an easy process. If it was, 100% of people would keep their resolutions! No matter where you are on the journey, you’ve got this!
If you are struggling to make a change, the therapists at Life Care Wellness can help. Please contact us in our Glen Ellyn, Chicago (Jefferson Park), and Sycamore offices.
Sarah Van Meter specializes in working with at-risk youth, youth in foster care, and those with complex trauma. She uses Motivational Interviewing, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and Somatic Experiencing (SE). Sarah sees clients of all ages – children as young as 5 through older adults – in the Sycamore office of Life Care Wellness.
